What we must do when we are wounded.
Suppose that you find wounded yourself by a fall, be it from some
weakness or
even through will and malice, as may happen sometimes. Do not allow
your courage to
falter; do not allow your confidence to shake. Rather,
- Turn yourself to God and speak thus: "Lord, I have acted
according to what I am, nor could anyone expect anything other
than a fall."
- Pausing momentarily at this point, humble yourself in your eyes.
Weep over your offense against the Lord and, without confounding
yourself, move yourself to disdain your depraved passions, above all
the one that caused your fall.
- Continue thus: "Nor, my Lord, would I have stopped at that, had
your goodness not held me back."
- Now give him thanks and love him more than ever, entertaining
wonder at such great mercy that God extended his hand to prevent
another fall even though you had
offended him.
- As you conclude, say with great confidence in his infinite mercy:
"Lord, act
according to what you are; forgive me, and never allow me to
live far away from you, nor to offend you ever again."
Having done this, do not start wondering whether God has forgiven you.
This is nothing more than pride, mental disquiet, a waste of time and a
demonic deception under the appearance of various good pretexts. On
account
of this, you must abandon yourself freely to the merciful hands of God,
and continue your activity as if you had never fallen. Even if
repeated falls wound you throughout the day, do as I have instructed on
the second, the third, and even the last occasion,
with no less confidence
than the first time. Holding yourself ever more in contempt,
and hating yourself all the more, force yourself to live more prudently.
This exercise displeases the demon greatly, both because he sees how
pleasing it is to God, and because it confuses him to find himself
beaten by one whom he had conquered. For this reason, he adopts many
fraudulent means to convince us to omit it; thanks to our careless
negligence, he often succeeds. Thus, if you have difficulty with this,
all the more reason you must do yourself violence by resuming this
exercise several times, even for one fall.
If you feel yourself confused, downcast, and disheartened, the first
thing to do is to recover your prior peace, confidence and calmness of
heart. Armed with these weapons, turn to your Lord. The disquiet you
feel from your sin stems not from any concern of having offended God,
but
from the very fear of damnation. To recover peace, you must forget the
fall completely
and consider the indescribable goodness of God: how he is ready and
desirous beyond all telling to forgive whatever sin, regardless of how
serious. In many ways and through many means, he calls the sinner to
take recourse in him, to unite herself to him, in this life to be made
holy by his grace, and in the next life eternally blessed
by glory.
Once you have calmed your mind with these or similar considerations,
turn away your fall, acting as I have said above. Then, at the
sacrament of confession — which I exhort you to visit frequently
—
consider all your falls anew. With renewed sorrow, with displeasure at
having offended God, and with the resolution never to offend him again,
reveal every one of these falls frankly to your spiritual father.